Saturday, April 26, 2014

Top Ten Ways to Know You are Driving in Colorado Springs.

Top Ten Ways to Know You are Driving in Colorado Springs

  1. Turn signals are not required or at the very least are completely optional. Don't you just love the guessing game of what the person in front of you is going to do?
  2. If the car in front of you is a new high powered sports car and the driver is wearing a hat, then he has finally made enough money to buy such a car and at the same time lost all ability to drive the damn thing.
  3. Native license plates will ensure that the driver has lived here long enough to not give a shit how they drive and they have multiple generations of bad drivers to prove it. Worst nightmare, bolt one of these collector plates to the back end of a Subaru, on a one lane road and be prepared for self inflicted hair loss.
  4. If another car is attempting in to pass you regardless of your inability to operate a motor vehicle, you must accelerate to prevent the pass even if it forces you to drive well above your personal comfort level, 100 miles per hour is nothing for you.
  5. If you are driving on the highway and observe an up coming merge lane never move out of the right lane, slow down, or speed up to allow a proper merge, after all it was your lane first and you must defend it, after all no one let you merge at 50 miles per hour when you got on the highway.
  6. If you are driving on a one lane road that you know will soon turn into a two lane road it is your sworn duty to help all the other drivers (stuck behind your native license baring Subaru) to observe the posted speed limit or for good measure and safety a speed slightly below the posted limit. Then once you reach the two lane road never give any indication of which lane you will use via turn signal, simply hesitate long enough to get a read on the driver behind you and then take their lane, at this point drop the hammer on that Subaru and out race everyone.
  7. Everyone behind you must obey the speed limit and since you have deputized yourself as junior law enforcement for life it is once again your sworn duty to help these law breakers understand the rules of the road in Colorado Springs. Besides you probably moved here from one of the coasts where everyone knows you people have no clue how to drive.
  8. Whenever turning on to a major thoroughfare (be it left or right) it is essential to make sure that every fucking lane as far as you can see must be clear of all traffic, no sense in taking reckless chance and trying to fit into a single open lane.
  9. Motorcycles are secondary vehicles on the street and cars always have the right of way over any two wheeler, it a fact look in the drivers manual.
  1. Left turn signals with arrows are only a suggestion to actually turn, it is once again your sworn duty to make sure all traffic has come to a complete stop before turning regardless of the number of cars behind you.