I write best in solitude, most of the time in complete silence, maybe some music I don’t know so I don’t get distracted by singing along. Now I was trying to write in the equivalent of a packed elevator stuck between floors.
The ladies profile was pleasant enough, but if I can catch your misspellings and typos you really are a poor writer. Not that I’m a writing snob (other than this free-wheeling form I rely heavily on my sister EdiTerry to cover my ass when writing for profit) but I have to admit poor writing skills gave the impression of low intelligence.
After all if the purpose of being on a dating site is to find at minimum a friend and best a spouse, wouldn’t you want to show your best side? At least compose in word for spell checking purposes and then cut and paste to the website. Just saying.
I began to write not in word, but straight into the little text box on the site, maybe an indicator of my intelligence or my desperation to just get her done. Trip informed me that based on his considerable research the best thing to do was to select pertinent information from her profile and highlight it in my response.
Being in Colorado she was an outdoor enthusiast, me not so much. She liked hiking, skiing, camping, blah blah blah.
“Say you like hiking and stuff like that.” Said Trip.
“But I don’t do that stuff guys, you know that.”
“So what?” asked Hatchet?
“So what? I’d be lying if I said I did, and what if she wants to go on a hike on our first date?”
“First off TimO, it’s not a date it’s called a meet and greet.” Said Trip
“Yeah a scratch and sniff, and you set the place and time.” Added Dave.
“Definitely don’t meet her for a drink.” Hatchet threw in, they all laughed and high-fived on that one. No mercy in any quarter of the firehouse.
“Once again you are losing your focus here TimO. We are after sex nothing more, nothing less. You want to meet her for coffee, and see if you have any chemistry. If you do you move on to the goal, if not you move for the exit. Are you clear?” Hatchet had a plan; I on the other hand did not.
I felt like a high school baseball player drafted by a major league team and this was my first batting practice. Just hit the ball kid. My heart sank, I didn’t want to be that guy, my nature with women isn’t to be a predator. Sex is great but that wasn’t my goal, my one-and-only goal.
My intimate life in my just ended marriage was at best described as pedestrian and I had become accustomed to a low level of excitement, or maybe I had low testosterone, I don’t know. But viewing this adventure through the prism of a caveman just wasn’t going to work for me.
“So say something TimO, let’s get this party started.” They were all tensed up.
“Okay guys, look, do I ever write around you, I mean in the same room with you?” they all agreed that that would be out of the norm.
“So how about this, I will write something, alone, and when I’m done I’ll let you see it and you offer your suggestions then. But I can’t do this with you guys hovering over my shoulder.”
Their faces dropped and their shoulders sagged. “Really?” asked Dave. “I feel like I’m cooking the first thing we’ve killed in a week and you are all starving. It’s a bit unnerving to say the least.”
Hatchet looked them over, “TimO’s right we gotta give him some space.” He indicated the office door with his hand. “Everyone out.” They all filed out like five year olds going to a timeout, feet shuffled, soft moans were heard as they departed.
I rubbed my eyes and leaned back. What had I gotten into?
I write funny, I write sad bordering on the poignant, but the romantic in me had had acid poured over him. The only soft and sweet words in me were reserved for my children. How do you take that chance again? How do you take that tiny little piece of your heart that still beats for intimacy and risk it again?
With honesty is what I decided. I’d just be honest. Here is what I changed my profile to verbatim:
“What I'm looking for in a relationship and that is what I'm looking for a relationship, is comfort I guess. Comfort in the sense of feeling at ease with another person, the kind of relationship were a day with the other person feels like a pair of favorite old sweats and a hot cup of coffee in the morning, if that makes any sense. No pretense, no acting, no games, just honesty. I say what I mean, and do what I say. I believe in chemistry and if I see or feel that spark I follow it. I'm a complete smart ass and irreverent, and if I'm not laughing why do it?
These are things I do and I hope you can as well, be able to have a conversation about something with more depth than sports or other trivial matters. I work in a firehouses and have had my fill of superficial conversation. Please have read something with more substance than People magazine. Please don't live with a smart phone glued to your hand, texting as a primary form of conversation is over rated. If you are holding the phone then use it as a speaking device not a writing medium if you have the option.
I didn’t let the boys see that either. After all they would never get the part about sweats and coffee. I got some responses and agreed to meet a very nice looking woman in two days. Without the boys, all by myself with my big boy pants on.
Here we are at 1000 words.
PS: As I am still in the dating pool and this is in fact what I say online, any suggestions for improvement from the ladies will be welcomed. J