Following my divorce I found myself back in the dating pool for the first time in more than a dozen years. Hurting from rejection and infidelity my ego needed a boost. But how to go about it? I was sober so bar hopping was out, what to do?
“The internet TimO”, suggested a fellow firefighter.
“That’s where the women are Bro, internet dating. You don’t even have to leave your house, it’s like pizza delivery. You read the menu and pick what you want.”
This advice from a twice divorced and now remarried man, oh and he found the new one on line. My advisor didn’t catch me alone and offer his wise counsel in private; no he just blurted it out over the noon time meal in the presence of seven other married, whipped, horny, disillusioned, and repressed firefighters.
I had seen the phenomena before. The living vicariously through the antics of the newly single guy syndrome. All the other suffering men had a chance to glimpse single life through the bars of marriage and they grabbed those bars like lifers on death row.
“Yeah TimO you gotta do it.” Said one terrible emasculated and beaten co-worker.
“You can do it right here in the station, just go on line and we can help you pick.”
Their generosity was truly heartwarming to see. My fellow heroes were willingly volunteering their time to assist me in recovering from a seemingly hopeless condition, being single. What the hell I thought, I could use the help, lord knew my ability to pick quality women was seriously in question.
I had a history of selecting women much like Sleeping Beauty picked apples. I went for the shinny, red, perfect on the outside kinda gals, that were filled with deadly poison on the inside and having taken a bite I fell hopelessly a sleep under their spell.
Could 8 experienced, intelligent, good looking men do any worse together than I had done alone? Well yes. Being pretty much in financial ruins it was decided that I/we would join a free site and go fishing on the deep waters of the internet.
First things first, my/our profile needed to be created for maximum impact on the unsuspecting females, I say unsuspecting because these women didn’t know I was working in conjunction with a team of highly trained professional risk takers.
So we attacked my on line persona much the same way we attack a fire; with total abandon and very little planning. The basic gist of my/our profile was this. I/we were a handsome, tall, athletic firefighter, and that was about it, oh and that I was interested in a long term deeply meaningful one night stand.
The pace at which my team selected potential mates was staggering. The average woman’s profile was considered for approximately in rough estimation around a second.
“Oh she’s hot! Let’s pick her.”
“Yeah she’s good.” Said desperate Dave.
“She’s blond, anyone notice TimO’s wives have all been blond? I’m just saying maybe we should go in a new direction this time around.” Said my lieutenant, he always showed good leadership skills that guy.
“The Lou makes a good point TimO, maybe we should consider other types or even different ethnicities. This is a fresh start for you buddy.” This from Hatchet, he was called Hatchet because of his inclination to just whack stuff with his fire ax.
“Hey wait a minute guys, we aren’t looking to get married here, just have some fun. TimO needs to recover his dignity, we don’t care about the long term we are in this for fast results.”
“Yeah we just want some action, not two point two kids and a house. TimO’s already done that and someone else has both of those now, right TimO?”
“Shouldn’t we read what they have to say about themselves?” I asked as I pushed my chair back to get a full breath in my lungs.
“Read their stuff? Look at this one, she has taken a picture in her bedroom on her bed. Do we need to read what’s on her mind? No my friend we do not, this is an ad for sex. Plain and simple, I think I talk for the group here, we aren’t interested in getting to know anyone at this point, we are after some action.” There was a round of unanimous agreement on this point.
Well the team had spoken who was I to judge their collective wisdom, after all I was trying to get my dignity back right? My team had made a selection and it was on to the next step. I had a fleeting sensation of angst, but it quickly passed.
“How?” I asked as I was once again pushed forward in my office chair by the crush of seven excited men.
“Just click the flirt button, it sends her a message that you are interested.” Hatchet was always on point.
“Let’s get another one.” Said Dave.
“Another one?” I asked.
“Yeah dude, we need to get like a… what guys? A dozen or so? Said Hatchet.
“Maybe two or three.” Said my lieutenant.
“Let’s just ease into this and see what happens, right?” he suggested, and being the Lou and our leader it was law.
“Can we keep looking Lou?” asked Hatchet.
“Yeah but I don’t want you guys in here all day cursing chicks on the computer. We still got work to do okay?” They all agreed to his terms.
“I think we got a good start.” Said Dave.
The rest of the day was filled with nothing but conversation about my/our chances at internet dating.
Tomorrow the adventures continues.