Friday, February 3, 2012

The Calendar contest cont.

It was too early to drink in the bar at the hotel, and probably a little too public as well. I headed to a nearby liquor store to grab a bottle and ran into some other nervous contestants. You could tell they were firefighters, because they were wearing tee shirts from their departments. See I notice that because I’m an alcoholic and would be worried someone might say something to me about being a firefighter and buying booze.

They didn’t care because as far as I knew they weren’t alcoholics. They were guilt free about what they were doing, I wasn’t.

I returned to my hotel, the crowd had swollen in the little time I was gone. My goodness I had never seen so many hot women in one place in my life. I hurried to my room. To get prepared.

Following the infusion of some liquid courage I was feeling better. Now I’m an outgoing guy even without booze, but pour a little Jack, Johnny, Jose, or Jameson’s on my ego and watch what happens. The potion works or I should say used to work.

There were required meetings to educate we contestants on how this whole thing worked. I reported to the grand ballroom at the appointed time ready for my training. There were I believe 24 or so of us, so I had a 50/50 shot at making it.

The business lady was back to instruct. She was impervious to all of her charming recruits; this was business to her and the single largest source of income for her cause. We were props plain and simple. Don’t get me wrong here; she was funny, kind, understanding and knew that she was dealing with TNT.

This much caged testosterone was uncontrollable at best, even with a whip and a chair and she knew how to use the whip. As they say this wasn’t her first rodeo. She was frank and honest about how things would go. We would be displayed in a two rounds of judging. The first was modeled on the Miss America question and answer get-to-know-me interview.

We would dress in uniform and be presented to the celebrity judges, mostly local news personalities and to the paying public. Next phase of judging was the meat and potatoes round and there was some meat (the potatoes were less visible probably due to steroid use) trust me. In this round we would walk the catwalk and get as close to our screaming fans as possible.

No big deal. We broke for lunch, they had catered a nice meal for us and I knew a needed a beer sponge in me if I was gonna get through the entire night. I was busy filling my plate when I noticed most of the dudes weren’t. I asked a couple of my junior contestants why they weren’t eating. I shit you not, they didn’t want to blow their diets at the last minute.

Diet I thought? Wholly crap I was in over my head. I looked a little more closely at the competition (it had donned on me by now that this was a real competition) under the fake tans and 9-11 tattoos was nothing but pure fatless muscle. I looked down at my now mustard stained belly and I did have a bit of a belly, not a 12 pack a day belly but what I thought was an acceptable 50 year old belly. Once again came the sensation of slipping under water.

Oh well I wasn’t going to lean out in the next four hours so I had another brownie. I spent the next few hours in walk thoughts, orientation and instruction on how to play it up to the crowd. I had a little down time for before things got started so I had a few more drinks and then decided to watch the crowd.

The ever expanding crowd was gathered in the lobby and I could watch their show from an open mezzanine above. I love people watching and this was the single most interesting throng I had ever observed, I felt like a scientist. A fat old scientist. The women were not only posturing for each other but also for the half dozen great whites sharks that circled them in a lazy display of uninterested hunger.

The women dressed as brightly as tropical fish darted and flashed displays to the predators in their midst. Quit fascinating really, I persisted in my sequestered observation blind right up to prep time. Back to the room a couple of quick shots, change and off to the ball.

We were brought in from a side entrance to the stage out of sight. Back stage there was more liquor supplied for inhibition reduction and space for us to prepare. The only other representative from my job was a lady firefighter and we didn’t really hang together. I was on my own, but not the vast majority of my now opponents.

They all knew each other it seemed and were encouraging and supporting one another. I found my group, we were assigned to a particular grouping and staging area.

The audible murmuring of our audience was quit loud and decidedly feminine. There was an intense smell, a vast pool of ingredients a real witches brew. The smell of aroused alpha males, the perfumes and pheromones of the ladies, very erotic.

It was bright and warm back stage, I hadn’t felt that alone in a long time. Sorry this is getting long so more tomorrow.


November Rain - k~ said...

The moments, mingle with apprehension of some kind of surprise... I will look forward to tomorrow.

Fireman said...

Always Raining on me :)

Jenn said...

Great build up to the main event... darn I thought I'd read it all today. See...I'm impatient!! LOL :) I love the line "The women dressed as brightly as tropical fish darted and flashed displays to the predators in their midst." That was awesomely descriptive. I'll be back to read part three!!

Cheers, Jenn.

Fireman said...

and maybe part four, I try to stay under a 1000 words
Thanks Jenn

Joyce Lansky said...

Alone in a crowd.. absolutely. Of course the women were hot. What other kind of women do you find as a fire fighter? Love the fish metaphor.

As for the knife in the butt, there's nothing more to tell. My sister was horsing around in the kitchen and backed into a knife. Looked pretty bad dangling from below. Ouch!


Fireman said...

Thanks Joyce.

Jo said...

Stop by and grab your award!