Monday, March 26, 2012

Tiger Woods won and I didn't.

I didn’t win fire blog of the year I learned today. I also found out my book Dangers, Toils and Snares: Confessions of a Firefighter failed to win the Colorado book of 2011 in the biography category. My ex-wife emailed me wanting money (It is the only time I ever hear from her is when she wants money), and I had a disagreement with my best friend and brother.

My big sister just returned from a trip to visit our parents and I wish I could have gone and seen those two dear people. My children are with and home for spring break and as always I’m broke and can’t afford to do the things with them they are asking to do.

The fledgling company I have started for mixed martial arts clothing is at risk as I find the difficulties of managing a company and dealing with my partners taxing. A very good friend relapsed with alcohol after many years sober and will suffer massive consequences as a result of a one day bender. Another friend had his best friend from childhood die as a result of his addiction this weekend.

I don’t have a partner in life anymore and to be honest I don’t know if I was offered that chance again I’d take it.

This all sounds rather pitiful I am sure. But I assure it isn’t. I chair a Sunday morning AA meeting every week and truly enjoy it because it isn’t a standard AA meeting, it is a spiritual meeting. The topic is about our relationship with a God of our understanding.

Over the past few weeks I focused the discussion on one of AA’s favorite prayers, the Serenity prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change;
Courage to change the things I can and;
Wisdom to know the difference.

This Sunday the topic was the last notion; Wisdom to know the Difference. I wondered where wisdom came from, I hear all the time in AA meetings that the rooms of AA are filled with wisdom. I also know that we all enter AA at, to say the least a low spot in our lives.

I came in a very sick man, and in my opinion absent of wisdom, I don’t believe trying to kill yourself can be considered a wise decision. So these many years later have in fact achieved any wisdom?

If I accept that wisdom is applied knowledge then I can say I have been the benefactor of some hard got knowledge. The list above of petty complaints is just that, petty. We all have stuff, life persists and it is my duty to God to find the lessons in the tests.
So my blog didn’t win here is a list of the other nominees.
The Rest of the Nominated Blogs:
I was a finalist, top ten and I restarted this blog on January 3 of 2012. Some of the above have been around for years and have been pouring their respective contributions in to the world of Heroes out of a shared common love for the men and women that do that job.

My hats off to you all and to the finalists and winners.
Fire Blogs Shortlist for Voting and Judges Blogs Shortlist for Voting and Judges

They should all be thanked for their efforts to improve and educate the lives of our profession.

As for the rest of my petty list. I was proud to be a nominee and thanks to all who voted for me. I have my entire family with me. My mother and father will be married 65 years soon. My sister and confidant got to spend time with them, my brother and I will talk soon.

I pray for my friends that have had go through their low spots and I know God will be with them.

I took the kids for a two hour hike and we found some cool stuff (the carcass of a dead cow, so cool) and saw some cool stuff (my oldest daughter is a Bigfoot fanatic as am I and we found a Bigfoot track) and had a great time exploring on a beautiful Colorado afternoon.

I am truly blessed. I am surrounded by amazing family and friends. I am a sober father and sober man. So today the notion of a drink to make it “better” hasn’t crossed my mind. God is great whether you know it or not. Do I have nay wisdom? Hell I don’t know.


avgjoegeek said...

Bummer man! Well definitely hang in there! Remember the big guy doesn't hand us anything we can't handle (though somedays I wonder...)

And of course there is always next year. Keep blogging!

lol... and boy do I know about being broke.

Hang in there and give me a call if you need to talk to someone - you have my number.

Jo said...

Tim, I am catching up today on some over-due reading and this one, well, I am so sorry I missed it when you published it. It's a brutally honest and heart bearing post of how life can try our faith and strength.
You are an excellent example of the frailties and the ultimate strength of man (& woman). I admire your desire to always be a better human and I believe you are doing exactly that each day, step by step.
God is great and he has his arm all around you. ♥

November Rain - k~ said...

One of my favorite parts is a "God of our understanding..." The little phrases that stay fast in my mind are helpful too. S.L.I.P. "Sobriety Loses It's Priority" Oh and could that I would... go on for hours.

It comes down to priorities. I have watched, for many years, the "wisdom" of brutal honesty, of near death cries, and the words left over when someone decides to find out if they have one more left in them. It doesn't matter what type of career they have, or how much money is in their bank account, they are human beings with enough intelligence to know they need some outside help, and enough pride to keep them from looking for said period of time.

I pulled my Southwest cookbook out yesterday, and was reminded of several nights spent in the backyard of some very special people's home. I argued with a squirrel about whether or not the hammock was mine to sleep in, but other than his crazy rantings at the base of the knot, I won... and slept outside. Cherished does not begin to cover how I feel about them... or you.

I'm glad you are here today, to share your children's smiles, to scream about your exes lack of understanding, to enjoy your parents, siblings, and friends. Flat out... I'm glad you're here.

Fireman said...

Why thank you Miss rain, I can always count on you to get "it" whatever it is.

Fireman said...

Thanks Jo, and you know what, I have never believed that more firmly than I do right now, God is great.