Over my 31 year career as a fireman I had many women friends that wanted me to hook them up with a fireman friend, they wanted to date a fireman or maybe just check off a box on their bucket list and I was okay with that and so were many of my boys, actually a lot of my boys were good with this.
There was no shortage of eligible and willing firemen, and the good news for women is that firemen come in as many shapes and sizes as women do and they have a wide range of tastes in women. I did introduce quite a few single women to and arrange meetings like double dates (when married) and wingman dates when single.
Some of these meetings were very successful and lead to long term dating, others not so much. So what did the failures have in common? They made the same mistakes often, so I’m going to give you a few tips on how to avoid that.
A word of warning here before I begin. Know what you are getting into dating a fireman. These men may come in many different packages but for the vast majority the job will be their first love.
They're boys, so the boys they hang with have a huge impact on their lives and you will be dating him and his boys at the same time. We do want each other to find happiness and find a woman. But women have to fit the group, there is nothing worse than a nightmare girlfriend to create havoc in the team, and if you offend his crew he will be put in a position at some point of picking you or them, and if you do that it will end poorly.
DON’T and I repeat don’t expect to change these men, if you discover in the first few months of dating a fireman that with your help and few minor adjustments you can turn him into your dream guy, let him go right then.
These men live in a world you cannot imagine, not just the “doing it” part of the job, but the whole thing, the lifestyle of a fireman. Leave it alone. If it is going to work out they will adjust on their own, but being pushy early in the process is a deal breaker. So here are some tips.
Firemen are used to stress at work, unbelievable stress some days. So when you start dating one don’t add stress. Keep conversations light, avoid serious topics or overly intellectual subjects. I’m not saying we can’t have an intelligent conversation, we can. But during down time, when we are having fun we don’t want to solve world hunger or find a cure for cancer, we want to laugh and have some cocktails.
The easiest conversation is to have him talk about himself. Why did he become a fireman? What is the best part about the job? Has he ever been scared at a big call? Here's another warning, don’t go too deep here the last thing you want to do is trigger a memory of some horror he has seen. Get to know the man, he wants to be accepted as the man doing the job, not as a character in a John Travolta movie.
Know that at some point you will be exposed to his crew for a group evaluation. This can happen in two ways, the best thing you can hope for is an invitation to visit the station. Failing that you might suggest in a non-stalker way that you would love to see where he works, ask if you might get a tour of his station and bring some cookies by.
If he is receptive to your suggestion and offers a good time to drop in take it. Most of the time it will be after normal business hours generally after the evening meal, when he has some down time. Understand the environment you are entering is testosterone laden and is a man cave, unfortunately you will be evaluated and scored by his crew on your attractiveness, friendliness, looks, personality, beauty, intelligence, sexiness, you get it they want to see what you look like.
So don’t over dress, unless you and your girlfriends are hitting the clubs for the night and don't be afraid to bring your girls along. There is nothing firemen like more than a bunch of pretty ladies stopping by the house, so give these hardworking men a little joy, and remember there could be more single guys there. Make sure and ask him first about bringing your posse along, if he agrees bring them. If he is hesitant or unsure drop it and go by yourself.
The other introduction or test you will have to pass is meeting his boys out on the town. Being creatures of habit and cheap bastards we tend to visit our favorite watering holes and stomping grounds regularly, once again be prepared for what is to come. For the most part firefighters are almost always gentlemen and will treat a lady with respect.
But we also need a woman that has some back bone a woman that can give it back as good as she can take it, this is not a good environment for wall flowers. You will be tested by his alternates, this will be a feeling out process to see how you handle yourself, it also gives him a chance to step in and rescue you if needed. If someone goes too far in the conversation or has had a little too much to drink he’ll stop it in a joking way. But know if you get to this point you have passed the test.
And for goodness sakes don’t get drunk. Getting drunk will lead to merciless harassment for him the next time he is on duty. You will be ridiculed and he will be embarrassed. So have a good time but stay in control.
So I thought I could fit more tips into one post but as always I am long winded in an effort to be through. I see I will have to break these tips into a few posts, and please any of my married friends bare with me as I do this, I know you don’t want a fireman, but maybe you have a friend that does, so share.