Thursday, April 12, 2012

Top tips for dating a Firefighter, by a Firefighter.


Over the years (married and single) I had many women friends that wanted me to introduce them to firefighter friends, they wanted to date a fireman.

There were no shortages of eligible firefighters that I knew and they came in all shapes and sizes, old and young, nice and not so nice. I did introduce quite a few friends and arrange things like double dates (when married) and wingman dates when single.

Some of these meetings were very successful and lead to long term dating, others not so much. So what did the failures have in common? I’m going to try and give you a few tips on how it works.

I must post a warning here before I begin. Know what you are getting into dating a firefighter. These men (I’ll stick to male firefighters that’s what I know) may come in many different packages but for the vast majority the job will be their first love.

Their boys, the men they hang with have a huge impact on their lives and you will at first be dating him and his boys. We do want each other to find happiness and find a woman. But that woman has to fit the group, nothing worse than a nightmare girlfriend to create havoc in the team, and if you piss off his friends he will be put in a position at some point of picking you or them, and if you do that it will end poorly.


DON’T and I repeat don’t expect to change these men, if you discover in the first few months of dating a firefighter that with your help and few minor adjustments you can turn him into your dream guy, let him go right then.

These men live in a world you cannot imagine, not just the “doing it” part of the job, but the whole thing, the life style of a firefighter, and remember that life is one of the things you find desirable, it’s why you want to date them to begin with. Leave it alone. If it is going to work out they will adjust on their own, but pushing early is a deal breaker.

1)Firefighters are used to stress at work unbelievable stress some days. So when you start dating one don’t add stress. Keep conversations light, avoid serious topics or overly intellectual subjects. I’m not saying we can’t have an intelligent conversation, we can. But during down time, when we are having fun we don’t want solve world hunger, we want to laugh and have some cocktails.

The easiest conversation is to have him talk about himself. Why is he a firefighter? What is the best part about the job? Has he ever been scared at a big call? Another warning don’t go deep here last thing you want to do trigger a memory of some horror he has seen. Get to know the man, he wants to be accepted as the man doing the job, not as a character in a movie.

2)Know that at some point you will be run by his crew, his buddies for a group evaluation. This can happen in two ways, the best thing you can hope for is an invitation to visit the station. You might even suggest it in a non-stalker way. Tell him you would love to see where he works, or ask if you might bring some cookies by the station.

If he jumps at the suggestion and offers a good time to do that you’re in. It will be after normal duty hours generally after the evening meal, when we have some down time. Understand the testosterone laden environment you will be entering, you will rightly or wrongly be evaluated on your attractiveness.

So don’t over dress, unless you and your girlfriends are hit the clubs for a Friday night and if you are bring your girls along. Nothing like making the night for a bunch of hardworking men by having some pretty women stop by the house, remember there could be more single guys there. But ask first, if he agrees, bring it on. If he is hesitant or unsure drop it and go by yourself.

The other introduction to his guys will be the meeting out on the town. We have our favorite watering holes and stomping grounds, once again be prepared for what is to come. For the most part firefighters are still gentlemen and will treat a lady with respect.

But we also need a woman that has some back bone that can give it back, this is not a good environment for wall flowers. You will be tested by his alternates, this will be a feeling out to see how you handle yourself, it also gives him a chance to step in and rescue you. If someone goes too far in the conversation he’ll stop it in a joking way. You passed that test.

And for goodness sakes don’t get drunk. Getting drunk will lead to merciless harassment for him the next time he is on duty. You will be ridiculed and he will be embarrassed. So have a good time but stay in control.

So I thought I could fit more tips into one post but as always I am long winded in an effort to be through. I see I will have to break these tips into a few posts, and please any of my married friends bare with me as I do this, I know you don’t want a firefighter, but maybe you have a friend that does, so share.

61 comments:

Sandra Tyler said...

Ok. good I'm out of the datiing scene: hard enough dating one man without having to date his gang (though I'm sure I"d pass muster. Is that the saying? even at 40 something...ok, OK, I'll try it.. Just don't tell hubby.) KIDDING.

Fireman said...

Hi Sandra there is no doubt in my mind that you would pass muster with ease and we will keep this private, only you and I will know. Hahahahha

November Rain - k~ said...

(not listening in on a private conversation... nope, not me... at least no one will ever know it)

I've worked in so many scenarios where I was one of the guys that the testosterone doesn't bother me; however, your description is one of a trophy girlfriend and that would bother me immensely. I am my own person and with rules laid out for having to make the man in my life's ego safe, I would surely balk. Of course, I'm single, and really have no desire to change that ;-)

When I sold cars, there were many times a really "hot babe" would show up on the lot, and the front door became a feeding ground for testosterone. I can recall one time in particular: it was quiet day for the most part, and rainy off and on, so traffic on the lot was minimal. This meant that most everyone was inside hugging the phone lines, glancing out the window as they worked.

Early in the afternoon, this cherry red sports car pulled up on the lot. It was an attention getter to be sure. Before the door lifted from the ground to the sky in slow motion, all eyes were on the "up" that pulled in. Then the legs (that's all you could see) swung out from under the door, long legs with 6" strappy heels as red as the car they were in. It took all of 20 seconds for EVERY salesman in the place to be scooted as close as they could be to the front door. They were fighting over who would get this "up" first, and keeping each other from getting out the door(A smart man would have gone around to the side door while they stood there fighting over her).

Just before the biggest of them stepped out the front door, our used car manager came over with his sophisticated charm, perfectly groomed hair, and alligator cowboy boots and said "Go back to your cubicles men, this one is mine."

The woman was like something out of a magazine, and definitely wore the skin tight, curve tugging, red dress four inches below her ... well you get the idea, for a reason.

We didn't see our manager for another 4 hours. No car was sold, and all of the men were useless as sales reps for the rest of the day. I remember the drill, and the lack of thrill at the kind of mentality that drooled so easily.

Silly men.

Fireman said...

Thanks Rain, silly men indeed, I've never understood the firefighter thing anyway and why women want one if the first place. I'm just trying give hints for those silly women that want to give it a try, it rarely ends happily. ;)

Lauren said...

I have to agree with firemans comment. I dont understand why myself but then again i am a very tough woman and even tougher medic to impress. Sure there are nice ones out there but i would NEVER date one! Silly women!

November Rain - k~ said...

grinZ Insight is always appreciated by this lil raindrop :-)

November Rain - k~ said...

hehehhehe...

Fireman said...

Lurker

Rum-Punch Drunk said...

I loved this post, I think you should role it out to more women who wants to date anyone who works in stressful environments :)

Fireman said...

Thanks RPD, I'm trying. More tips coming tomorrow and the rest of the week.

The Weed said...

Nice. I'll keep this list in mind if I ever have a therapy client who is married to or wants to date a fireman. Keep the tips coming!

Fireman said...

Thanks Weed, more today.

home security said...

I recognize and respect all the people involved on this act.

Jenn said...

My younger cousin wants to date a fireman... I need to send her to your post!! Loved it BTW and glad I'm out of the dating scene! Cheers.

Anonymous said...

Well firefighters are pretty dumb according to this post. Many, many powerful men are stressed at work on a daily basis and can have meaningful, intellectual conversations. Dated a firefighter for 4 years and boy what a waste of time! I could have cared less about his job as I have dated military men and they have much more interesting stories! I mean EMT's, Police Officers save lives too and work crazy hours. You don't see them acting like dickheads!

Fireman said...

Well Anonymous some might say the ability to understand humor is a measure of intelligence, but I won't say it.

Anonymous said...

I have been dating a firefighter for 2 years. All of the tips seem to hold true in my situation. Did i seek a firefighter? Nope! I was divorced with a son and he just popped into my life. Through these last 2 years i discovered the world of firefighters during and after work. It can be challenging for them as well as the people who are close to them. I am a strong minded hard working women who enjoys the relaxed easiness when i am with my firefighter friend. Like him my job is tiring and i just want to chill when i am not working. To add, the fact that the boys are always first, makes me laugh! I respect it but, it definitely can produce many silly jokes with the girls!

Fireman said...

Thanks Anonymous, good luck with him, I bet you have also found your fireman to be very good with your child, we do that too.

Anonymous said...

The times he was around my son and i was nice. He is simple and easy to understand. Everything he does is more important than what he says. I often think women who want or are dating someone in the fire department need to understand that his actions are so telling and he will take his time. Fire fighters are trained to be calm under stressful events. This carries into the personal lives which is challenging for women who always want to plan, request,and fix things. I am patient when it comes to my fire fighter being around my son. We all need to be cautious, caring, and patient! Yet, i am a tuff little cookie who will speak up when it is time. For example, the boys need to appreciate the women who are in there lives and the patients they have by looking through the woman's eyes sometimes. For me this is done by telling him exactly what i need in a calm and sweet way face to face! Then, i end it with a soft touch and kiss! Thanks for listening. I hope this helps someone.

Fireman said...

Thanks Anonymous I have no doubt this will be helpful. You sound like you have a good understand of the FF mind.

african girl said...

Nice tips. Yeah I do agree with you that if you want change someone let them do it and not just pushing them at an early rate. Proven and tested by me, my boyfriend will always force me to change my childish acts right away and you know what it took 2 years before I realize that I should really change.

So, back to the topic, well each of us will encounter the feeling of being pressured and stressed specially if we have works and big obligations to do. It's really up to the woman to understand the situation of a fireman.

Understanding both side will lead to a harmonious relationship.

Anonymous said...

Great,
Thank you so much for the tips.
I'm dating with a firefighter right now, most of the time with talk by the phone bcz he is on duty, he is so peaceful, I really enjoy our conversation.
He is respectful bcz we don't have enough time to talk, I miss him alot

Fireman said...

And you never will. Both of my divorces were a result of the time apart. You have to be very strong to be with a fireman, it is not easy. We become numb to the real world and the real world away from work is not very exciting sad but true. You have a tough road with a fireman.

Anonymous said...

I'm dating a fireman/paramedic right now and things are rocky. He not only has one full time job, but other jobs that basically make him work constantly. Is it crazy of me to think that someday he might work less and actually make our relationship his first priority?

Anonymous said...

Let me add some more detail here: While dating, seeing him only a couple times a week I suppose is fine. But I can't help but look 5 years from now and see a life where my husband hardly ever home. I love that hes great at his job and I love that I always feel safe around him. But he doesnt seem to make me FEEL like his priority. Work always comes first. When scheduling at one of the stations he works for, he even signed up to work on my birthday, completely forgetting about it. :/ I was so upset because all year I've been patient, understanding, and a great girlfriend. Right now I am just wondering if things will ever change (I know what you are probably thinking, the post says you can't change someone, especially a fireman. I like everything about him, but his schedule is awful and I just don't feel like a priority. help me! haha

Fireman said...

Dear Anonymous, I don't know his age or financial situation. Is he working to get out of debt? Is he working to get a nest egg? Or like I used to be, addicted to the excitement?

I used to work for the local ambulance service on my days off and take trades for my buddies all the time, the money was good but the calls the experience and "doing" of it was so addictive. I was learning new skills and seeing more shit and every bit of it lead to me becoming a very good paramedic and very well respected peer.

But I also used it to avoid life, to have an excuse for not participating in the boring mundane existence of ordinary people. I know that sounds rude and it is. It takes some years to be able to blend these two very different worlds together and find balance.

I was a man whore for many years, just picking up one nighters with an occasional short relationship. Then those became meaningless and I felt like I needed to settle down. That would work for awhile and then the reality of it after a few years would show up, so back to being a man whore again.

The best advise I can give you is to step back and see what is driving you stay in this relationship? s it the appeal of having a pet fireman? Is being with him exciting and does it give you social standing with your girlfriends? Because if you aren't cut out for spending a lot of time by yourself then this will never work. Like I said before both of wives became lonely and then found other men. Good luck are there any other wives or girlfriends that you have encountered that you can talk to? Find the long suffering wife of another fireman and ask her, I'm sure she will have many tips as well.

Anonymous said...

I just found your post, I've recently started dating a guy who's been a firefighter for awhile now. & though the relationship is new we've had "talks" about his job. I've let him know that I would never want him to stop, that I understand it's more than just "a job" but he'll have to understand that every time he walks back through our door I'll jump him, hover and act like a complete idiot until I really believe that he's okay.

Maybe our relationship won't last long, or it might last years but just in the short time I've known him I've realized that what he does is in his DNA, there isn't any changing that.


As for the stuff he see's, I don't ask but sometimes at night he'll glaze over the topic and I just listen, and I know there aren't magic words to say to make him better. I've tried telling him that he did everything he could, but he always thinks there was something else.

That's the hardest part of being with a fireman, trying to ease guilt in those few moments that they show it.

Anonymous said...

So THAT'S why these men are so much friendlier towards an old lady (me--52) in the gym. I work as a crossing guard for the police patrol unit and so have access to the same city gym facilities as other city employees including firefighter/paramedics. I often enjoy joking around with these guys/men. What they DON'T know is that although I am soon to be divorced with a 14 year old son (who is chock full of testosterone!) I, in my youth, was a dancer in several "gentleman's" clubs so I, too, can act artificial. I also wish for long periods of time alone because I like to write. But I have a question: A couple of the younger firefighters enjoy flirting with me. Are they SERIOUS?!! I COULD BE THEIR MOTHER! And though I worked in bars YEARS AGO, I am no cougar.

Fireman said...

Well Anonymous remember its not your job to take his mind off the stuff, you can distract him and maybe make him laugh or go out. But we have our own way of dealing with that stuff. We always think we can do more, but we can't. Watch for depression in your guy and if he seems to be unable to deal there is professional help, I know I've used it more than once.

Fireman said...

We admire a woman that we see working out on a regular basis you aren't a couch potato which is nice. Trust me they aren't flirting for the practice.

Anonymous said...

Here I go...I have to be straight. I have had an off and on relationship with a firefighter for 3 years. We were both each others "booty call" (horrible term but fitting). We were mature and talked about why we were okay with this situation. But,about 8 months ago something changed he started being a little nicer and respectful sending sweet text not sexy text. Go figure? I tried to keep him at a distance because he had an additive personality. He was addicted to the 3 "G's"girls, gambling, guzzling alcohol. Why did i stay? Because i work hard and have a child from a divorce i just needed a man's touch sometimes. Back to the sweet months. He took me out during the days he wasn't working. He even bought me some gifts and helped me with my car. Then, one night he asked me to go to the station when he was working. I usually refuse but, that night, i went. He had been working overtime shifts and i heard exhaustion in his voice. He held me tight, said he was tired, his knee was killing him. I told him he needed to take a day off work. Then, the alarm went off and he pecked my lips gently. I was concerned. After that evening i tried to contact him for days. I was sad and figured he would contact me in his own time. Later i heard on the news that following morning he had a heart attack during a fire. I was refused to visit him. I was his women on the "Down Low". Only his roommate and a couple of the guys knew of me. I swore if he come out of this i would meet him one time and then i was done. Instead, we ran into each other and our passion for each other continues to get stronger. We are both scared!I need advice...I am so afraid he will go back to his habits which i don't mind so much. But, i would mind if he slept with another chica (female). The heart attack scared him. He has changed his behavior for the better for himself and by himself. I have always been supportive and will continue. I am strong and have a a civil servant job so i get that the boys and the job are first. I even get the hours (holidays) he will be working.But, how do i handle the womanizing issue? I dont care about the gambling because its his money and doesn't effect me. I don't care about the drinking. I like to drink myself and like a man that can handle more than I( i have one they have 2). But, the women i can't deal! Do you have advice on this topic? Your voice is similar to his. What is your prospective?

Tim Casey said...

Dear Anonymous; You say you are both mature, I don't know if that means "Grown ups" or that you are both perhaps 30-40 years old, so I'll go with grown ups. I have been through the phase of drinking and seeing booty calls, they went hand in hand. So after three years he starts acting like a real boyfriend and treating you well. I have to ask were you showing interest in any other man at that time? The fear of losing a woman can cause this reaction. On the other hand men that have heart attacks have symptoms/indications or a feeling that something is "off" with them days before it happens.

He may have just come to a place in life where he realized that maybe you are the woman for him, we do get to a point of wanting to settle down. I don't understand your thought of ending it after the heart attack. Was it because you weren't accepted as being his woman? You may have thought you were on the D/L but trust me all his brothers knew of you. I also don't understand the having to "run into each" other following the heart attack. How long was that days/weeks?

There is a period of recovery following a heart attack but not knowing his age makes my opinion more difficult. Young man that have H/A and survive are rare, most young men die, older men survive. You say he has improved his life style is healthier and all by himself. Following a life threatening event can change you for the better, but as time passes the memory of that fades and people return to their old habits.

I have to be concerned about the drinking, as an alcoholic I know the dangers of that disease. I am not calling him an alcoholic but hard drinking can lead to it and because you enjoy the same past time and admire heavy drinking I have to say your concern about other women is healthy.

You didn't say he cheated in the past, but then being a booty call maybe you didn't care back then. So what has changed for you? You were ready to drop him, you wanted to keep him at arms length you were on the down low, so what is different? My guess is this "Scare" has effected you both when thinking about the future. I will say that if he resumes his old ways and takes up hard drinking again, then he is likely to cheat, booze does that to people.

If your position as a booty call doesn't change, if he isn't willing to be seen with you in public or at a fire dept. function then my guess is he will continue to think of you that way and nothing will change. I also have to think of your child is he in your child's life? If he is, as a mother you have to think of the effect of his coming and going on your kid.

I hope this helps, I have seen a near death experience have a profound effect on a man and change him forever. I have also seen men recover from an event like this and after a period of feeling better, return to their old ways, if he does that and continues in his high stress job, another H/A may not be far away. Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

I want to thank you for your honest perspective. It helps greatly! He had his H/A at 41 years. old. He was on disability but is going to return in less than a month. I do believe it changed how he saw himself and has the desire to settle down.

The reason we went back and forth had a lot to do with me. I was wishy washy because my X left me for another younger woman after 18 years living together, 4 years of marriage, and a son. I did not want to get into another serious relationship. So,others perceived me in some negative ways(including some of his buddies). I accepted the decisions i made at that time. But, i have changed how i see relationships compared to when i first met my firefighter friend.I have slowed down and i am very content. He has expressed how much he is glad i have chilled out and enjoys relaxing with me.

I know he is ready to go back to work. Yet, i am afraid that he will return to his old patterns that are not good for his mental or physical health.
As for my son this is another reason i did not commit to any serious relationships. No one i have dated has met my son. I did not want my firefighter friend to be in his life if he was not willing to be serious with me. But, life happens he has seen him (not planned) which was easy going and smooth. What is next...I guess it is time to talk even though serious talks are not exactly what he likes to do.Yes, I am nervous and not sure how to share time and space with each other. Thank you for listening and responding. It is exactly what i need to guide my decisions for the best!

Tim Casey said...

Dear Anonymous; I am glad to have helped. Drop by any time with more questions. I too have 3 kids and have only let one woman I dated met them and that was awkward and I have never done that again, in fact my oldest daughter asked me to have her leave, needless to say that ended the relationship.

We aren't great at talking, but if he will listen that is a start. Good luck I too had my heart broken by the mother of my children and it is a long journey back to trusting again.

Demetria Fails said...

I'm glad I saw this!! I'm a 27 year old female and I'm dating a 25 year old firefighter long distance. He lives in Maryland and I live in Arkansas. I, for some reason, am attracted to them and I don't know why but I do have MAD RESPECT FOR THEM! My boyfriend is a very honest personand he's also loving and sweet and funny and loves to joke around. We're opposites in many ways and we love each other. What I've learned to appreciate is that he was honest enough to let me know once he became a firefighter, that he wouldn't get to call as much and I prayed for understanding and I got it. Yeah I get lonely but I still realize that I won't come first but i'm not last either. When we first me online, he was just in the fire academy but when he told me, something in me convinced me to stay. I actually prayed to God to find a firefighter. He granted my wish and him and I went through a lot of ups and downs but we're still together. He hasn't had a chance to call in almost a week and it hurts but you can't be selfish and you can't expect to get calls all the time. He's a good man to me and he's shown me many times and many ways that he loves me and I've learned to trust him. :)

Tim Casey said...

Good luck Demetria Fails, a long distance relationship is difficult for any couple. I hope it goes well for you. I have to ask, have you ever met in person or is this only an online relationship? The time in the academy is very demanding and we all need support during that time. How regular was your contact then as compared to now? I know I had more down time after the academy than I had during the academy so I wonder how things have changed. Something to think about.

Anonymous said...

I am the woman who had the winded messages above. For some strange reason i find comfort in writing about my situation online with strangers. Today, I have many unanswered questions about my relationship with my firefighter friend. He has returned to work after having a HA as of Monday. The media is all over the story. This seems to bother him, so i am keeping my distance. I want to comfort him with affection, but he needs space. I believe men who have been bachelors for 40 years do not like to be smothered. How do i handle this situation? I am trying to let him go back to the station and "the boys" with no distractions from me. I wanted to drop off a small gift even though i know that it's not his style. He never told me when i could stop by so i never mentioned it again. It hurt to see him all over tv, but glad he was going back to what he loves. Am I making a good decision? My friends tell me i need to decide if he his what i want after 3 years of off and on dating.
What they do not know is why i put up with his stubborn ways? One thing i know for sure he cares and respects me very much! For the first time he looked me in the eye and told me he appreciates me and knows i will always be there for him. I have seen him at his low points and high for 3 years. I see him maybe once a week but i want more time. My feelings and how i treat our relationship has changed and grown. He treats me different yet it's small steps which keep me wondering. How do i get more time with him? What can i do to insure i am the women who is willing to be there no matter what? I know he has tried a couple times to have serious relationships and they ended with them meeting other men. I am older and have a son. I do not want to play games and date. My patients is running thin today especially since it is not a good time to say this stuff when he just returned back to the job after a serious HA. What to do? Am falling in love with a firefighter which i never intended.

Tim Casey said...

Dear Anonymous, my goodness this is the very first time you have used the word love in all these exchanges and you only mention it as a thought of yours. At this point I have to call bull shit on him. He respects you and cares for you yet keeps your relationship casual. If a woman was important to me I'd show her off I'd be proud of what she has done for me after three years. Your guy sounds more like the "Man-boys" I have worked with, they need to hold on to a woman while always looking for something better. That isn't a relationship that is selfish and childish and he is using you. I have tried to be kind and understanding in our conversations but you need to hear the truth at this point and I'm sure it hurts, but have some respect for yourself. Is this what you believe you deserve? To be together once a week? I think he feels two ways, one is it's safe keeping you around and two he doesn't really want to hurt your feelings so he is hoping you will figure this out on your own and let it go, then he doesn't have to be the bad guy. I'd give him a good long break without saying that is what you are doing. No phone calls, no letting him drop by and no warning this is what you are doing, just go silent and see what happens. It will be hard but you will find out where he stands, if he doesn't notice or lets it go on without complaint, you will have your answer. Respect yourself and your child and God will show you the truth. Good luck I'll say a prayer for you. Let me know how it goes.

Anonymous said...

I happen to have an on/off relationship with a man who happens to be a firefighter. We have been friends for over 30 years. We married other people, divorced them as well...yaddi yadda. It has taken him all these years to finally drop the "L" word. We have had many attempts with almost dates-they didn't happen because of the profession-way of life. I have to respect that and I do. Sometimes I do wonder about his speedy (tongue in cheek) attempts with reconnecting- as if it in itself were a test to see if I pass. LOL BTW the "L" word was said after one of my long silences, and then telling him in an email I may be moving (which I was as I didn't see any reason to stay in the area-he wasn't giving me one though I didn't say that). Now it seems he is quiet this time. Any suggestions/thoughts?

Anonymous said...

Btw, I am a quite different anonymous~just want to leave people to their privacy.

Anonymous said...

My original post was today.

Tim Casey said...

Well Ms. Anonymous, I find it funny calling love the "L" word, so do you think you love him? I can tell you a story of a woman I met right before my first marriage, wow! She was the one, but I was already committed to another. When that ended I quickly found the the other woman and we were together with in days. I loved her, do love her but was too unstable and drinking too much, she couldn't trust that and ended up marrying another guy.

Now I am divorced again and can't find her I have no idea where she is and I regret that very much. You have known him for more than 30 years, so unless you met in 1st grade I'm guessing you are over thirty yourself. Isn't it time to rise above the bull shit in life? Haven't you been through enough? Hasn't he?

You are going to get a guy a bit damaged, but who isn't? He put himself out there maybe to quickly, but we are trained to act quickly, to make very quick decisions it is in our DNA. It doesn't mean we don't think things through, we do, it just means we make those decisions much faster than most.

So do you want to play games, is this a test on your part now? At this point do you really have that much to lose? What the hell? I know I'm past the point in my life of wanting to live with regret, should-a-could-a-would-a that ain't for me anymore.

At least take him out for a test drive for once without worry or anticipation or expectations. You may be surprised or you can move away and wonder. The next guy that rolls into your life won't have any of the knowledge of the past 30 years the way this guy does. Do really want to break in a new man? I assume you have a good idea of who he is and what he is, a better idea than any other man in your life.

Keep me posted I'd love to know what happens.

Tim Casey said...

I got you covered.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Tim,
On all counts you are spot on! I will keep you posted for sure.
As of last night's phone conversation to me, he restated his profuse love for me in which there was no hesitation to reciprocate how mutual that was on my part. I did remind him I don't put myself out there often, and I don't take those words lightly-neither does he. We plan on seeing each other this week which will be a good thing-he is off on medical leave at the moment and so we will have time to catch up a bit.
Breaking in a new person? Oh HELL NO! What's to be gained by that? This guy has the road map to who I am and it's pretty much vice-versa. If it comes to anything I will learn further I am sure.
The most important actions on my part are to go into this what ever it is with no expectations, no worries. I can't help the anticipation part-I'm excited! It's like getting strapped in on a thrill seeker's best amusement park ride for the first time, or paragliding off a 750 foot ridge in Mexico just before the wind really picks up. You have to have your wits about you, but also,just enjoy the experience. Who better with than a best friend?
More later,
Me

Tim Casey said...

Thank you so much for the update. I really hope it turns in to what you both want. We all deserve a little comfort and company in our lives.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Ms Anonymous here,
We haven't met this week as of yet like we agreed to~ says he is trying to manage pain after PT and surgery. So as usual, everything down that path is on hold. Or, maybe he is all talk. Who really knows.

Tim Casey said...

I'm really sorry to hear that. All I can contribute at this point is my experience with PT after having a shoulder repaired and a knee a few years later. I had daily PT or at least 3-4 times a week. I was given pain meds for pain and used those. I drove myself to those events and was on light duty for awhile.

I still managed my children while my ex a firefighter herself was on duty and pretty much was functional within the first week following surgery. So two thoughts here, is it possible he is abusing his meds? As an alcoholic I know I had to be careful with them as many become addicted very quickly, is he depressed about his situation?

My thought is when we lose our work schedule in the station and go on light duty it can be depressing and if you add booze and pain killers he may be drunk dialing you when depressed and feeling sorry for himself, then sobers up and is embarrassed about what he did. I'm just throwing darts here I have no idea of what you are going through.

It can be very hard for some FF to accept help when down and maybe that is it, or he doesn't want you to see him when he is weak and vulnerable, there are many possibilities here, he could just be a dumb shit. Check in anytime, don't know if I helped, but remember to value yourself even if he doesn't.

Anonymous said...

Tim,
He does like his pint like most men, though I don't think he is abusing-he doesn't come off drunk anyway. Where I think his issue is... the manly thing-he doesn't want to appear weak EVER!It's that Paleolithic thing of the hunter lol! Being a Capt I am sure a few look up to him, and he allows the guys into his whatever is going on as well. To females I doubt that is the case. Especially with me considering he thinks of me with interest. What he doesn't get is that I accept him the way he is on any given occasion.
I believe he will be learning about that in the near future either with me or someone else. If not? his loss. :)

Tim Casey said...

Now you tell me he's a Captain. Well I'm glad to know addiction isn't a component, I go there because of alcoholism. Ah yes the man's man syndrome, does his crew know you? Many times the boys in blue have their input as well, if you know one and are comfortable with it, you could do an end around through one of his boys, if you wanted to. Well you are right, it could be his loss, hope he knows that. Thinking of you and sending a prayer your way. ;)

Anonymous said...

No, I don't know his people yet, met a few once a long ago so, I would have to say no, not really. Like I said we have been on and off. Not sure what an end around through one might be, but it kind of sounds a bit contrived and pushing where I shouldn't. One can not fit a square peg in a round hole anyway. If it works it will, but not holding my breath on Mr. Dominant Male Capt. oh Capt. He needs to come to me or not at all. I know that sounds harsh, but this "I love you" and then smoke screens just isn't cutting it. You would think he would be a tad bit more attentive. We shall see.

Tim Casey said...

Good luck Ms. Anonymous like you said his loss. Thanks for asking for and listening to my answers.

TDVMAAT said...

I thoroughly enjoyed your post, finding it (and many of the replies) quite hilarious!

Tim Casey said...

Thanks TDVMAAT, I had no idea this would be such a can of worms, so to speak.

Marin Lunsford said...

Do you have email or a facebook where i could chat with you? I have been searching high and low for a blog like yours to understand this amazing confusing man.

Tim Casey said...

Marin my facebook and email are on the right side of the blog just friend me and we can chat.

Marin Lunsford said...

Tim do you have an email or facebook i could chat with you about my situation? LiLTime@gmail.com : )

Marin Lunsford said...

Do you have email or a facebook where i could chat with you? I have been searching high and low for a blog like yours to understand this amazing confusing man.

Anonymous said...

Uuuuhuuu!! I see how ya are...I knew it all along.... Married.
So many red flags!!
If he's only spent the night at your place and you've never met the family or a close friend in the six years you've known each other then sista he's just yo boy toy!! Don't fall for " I take care of my family and they live with me and the, I don't mix my personal life with family... Besides, isen't that what you truly want? I admire them in uniform They are heros. If life takes you there. Amen

Anonymous said...

I just started dating one-I am familiar with a firefighter my Grandpa-then I have a close long time friend who has been an EMT---but its hard and weird but somehow it fits---I have a 5 year old and he has 2 little ones---but I'm hoping to get him standing in front of me at least once a month so I can rip his clothes off---he is in my mind and heart-and im hooked

Anonymous said...

I've got one for you. I'm a firefighter. ... don't do late firefighters if you are one..... jk it can be intense. But it is almost the same for female firefighters. We don't like to come home to stress, we like to keep it simple. And you will have to go through the group. We do like to dress up from time to time but not really that often. We don't come home from work looking beautiful and prettied up.